Which Hell Would You Choose?

I always wonder if people ever even read this stuff. Here I am, an average(?) Mom, trying to make sense out of life for myself and enough of some part of something to pass on to my children.

It is a Tuesday, and I didn't go to Ladie's Bible Study with the humble motive of not wanting anyone in our group to get the illness that I have had for the last week or so.

These ladies are a lifeline for me. Prayer Warriors. Guidance and Biblical advisors helping me in the direction I need to go. Starting out as a huge group with our Pastor's wife meeting at the church on Thursdays, these few wanted to keep a group going within our homes. I was invited. My Mom-In-Law is with me and I would like to believe we are very close. You see, we are involved with a Spiritual battle of epic proportions regarding her son, also my husband.

My husband is still involved with this church. I have read their literature. I have heard their preaching. I have studied and seriously considered their points of view. It does not line up with the Bible. It is a line of understanding that I can't see justified. It is false and misleading and destructive. My husband has been deceived into thinking he has been specifically called. I can't understand any of their perspective because I haven't been called, is what he tells me.

I had believed this junk would be resolved a long time ago (see previous entries for more understanding). It exists still and has caused much heartache and pain in me and my children. We aren't allowed to do this. We are wrong on that thinking. We don't participate in that anymore. That isn't what that Scripture means. I had to decide what side of the fence I was on and why, and stay there. So I did. I went back to the church my husband and I met, got married, and started a family at. I have gained friends, support and many prayers. 

I have stated my position with my husband. He knows although I cannot go along with this church's ways, that I would not stand in the way of what he feels is God's call on his life. I have made it clear that I fully believe one day he will find something within this teaching that is so blatantly obvious against the Word of God and we would be waiting. I have done a lot of time on my knees before I finally had help realizing this isn't my battle. It is between God and Satan. A Spiritual battle.

My husband won't listen to reason and even when presented with a different view, completely rejects it. He is currently unemployed and isn't even trying to find a job. He has gotten many leads, but refuses to check on them and lies about it. He does as little as possible every day. He sits around and watched NCIS, for sometimes up to 12 hours, and other violent programs. He sits on the couch and watches television and looks up stuff on the internet. Questionable things. Watches political channels and then calls representatives and belittles them and yells at them. Rarely does he even bother to get dressed in more than shorts or underware. He has turned into someone I don't recognize anymore. Depression? I think it's more than that.

I have been pretty much staying in the basement during 99% of the time I am awake. I don't want to watch death and violence all the time. Listen to the news for hours and hours. He finally got smart and turned off his search history on his computer. But he isn't kidding anyone but himself.

Yesterday, we had a talk. He spoke with a Pastor from this church. I repeated everything I had mentioned before (in case he forgot or thought I changed my mind). We have agreed to peacefully agree to disagree. And then, this morning, I got to thinking. What kind of life is this? What kind of life is it when you are not equally yoked (but were when you got married)? You don't spend any holidays together. You don't go to church on Sundays together. You don't pray together anymore. Why does my husband not see this church sees it as okay and acceptable that it is keeping us apart? Is that Biblical? I guess it would be harder if he treated me well. But he doesn't. This relationship sucks. I am trying to stay in line with the Word, but it is hard and sometimes I have to take it one second to the next. Then I get days when peace reigns in my home. I am grateful for those days. VERY, VERY GRATEFUL.

I am expecting too much when I think he should help me when he is laid off work. But he wants to do as little as possible and with as little effort as possible. In everything. He would be more than happy if he could stay home and let me work. He wants to have his own business, but he would have to show me he can do more than barely nothing. I really think he has no concept of what it would take to run a business. He thinks he can start one and hire everyone to do everything for him. There isn't even any common sense let along business sense. He won't even acknowledge his responsibilities as a man, or homeowner, or husband. No taking out the trash, feeding his dog, interacting with his two young boys. Resents anything he does land up HAVING to do. I really believed I married someone who wanted to take care of me. I should of seen the warning signs....

So here we are. Leading seperate lives together. I don't know what to do. I know what it was like to have a Dad for a while and then not have one. It destroyed our family. I don't want to put my boys through that. I believe it is God's call on my life to teach my children at home. But at what cost? Is this all there is? Having to pick the best of two evils? Which hell would you choose? 

My Most Favorite Time of the Year!!

Well, fellow bloggers, I have been busy at my home with so many changes, there are too many to mention, except the important ones, that is!

My husband has found a new job and it has been an adjustment period and a half to say the least! But I have been purging our home of some unnecessary items and it feels so incredible! A few years back, we went down to Mississippi to help with Katrina and we stayed in a nice double-wide mobile home in a town called Columbia. We rented from Mr.Phillip, had only one vehicle, hardly any of the necessities you'd think you would need, and no television. Well, that all changed quickly. One long trip to Walmart and we were well on our way to having more than what we would be able to take back with us when it was time to go back home! But even though we had hardly anything, we were SO HAPPY! I still recall fondly all four of us huddled around that little portable dvd player watching the Little House on the Prarie series that we had gotten for Christmas, playing with Thomas the Train toys making a railway from the front of the trailer to the back, sitting for hours watching the train make it's way to and fro. We slept on an air mattress on the floor, but we brought a twin bed and a crib for the boys. We all aslo remember the HUGE tub in the master bathroom-it was big enough for ALL of us!!!! I also remember standing at the window above the kitchen sink and taking pictures of the sunrise until the boys woke up. I also remember running the air conditioner-and it was JANUARY!!!!!

The nearest large town was Hattiesburg and it took about 45 minutes to get there.There was only one scrapbookiing store that I could find, there might be more now, and I filled my days with play and easy homemaking. We were so happy and didn't have hardly any material belongings. Until we got home. Many years later, needing to make some sense of the accumulating material items from the 17 or so moves I have made in my lifetime, I hated that I knew I owned things, but couldn't find them. The GARAGE was first!

I am nowhere near done, but it's a start. My downstairs is now getting organized. Next are the boys' rooms. And in between it all, I have redone our bathroom. And I now share the results with you-this took all of two days to complete, but a few months of accumulating/making/choosing/purchasing etc. all of the items to be used. Went and got the paint, Dutch Boy Premium Semi-Gloss Paint in Cowpoke. AND, all of this was done for UNDER $150.00. Enjoy!

                                                                         BEFORE

                                                                            AFTER

                                                                  BEFORE

                                                                             AFTER

                                                                        BEFORE

                                                                           AFTER

It started with these two pictures I found at Dollar General. They inspired the fabric shower curtains, which were sold as a set (shower curtain hangers included-they look like a paisley) and I bought two, wanting one on each side with a clear liner in between. I chose a clear liner to allow more light to show through when taking a shower. It also helps highlight the Paris skyline vinyl stickers above the shower stall and there's some above the entrance door. We are very pleased with the results!

                                                 PARIS SKYLINE VINYL STICKERS

                                                       MORE SKYLINE STICKERS

              
I can't believe I got this off of EBAY for under $10.00!!! The guy gave me a steal on shipping, too!
I sprayed it black and left the antiqued copper parts on it, those are just above the glass globes and on the knobs where the swirls meet the base.

I found a really huge gouge on the wall underneath the lightbar that was there. Here's a look-e-see:

Now keep in mind, this photo is deceiving. This gouge was about a foot long and had those wires hanging out. I stopped long ago trying to figure out why someone would leave something like this AND hide it. This house was remodeled by someone who likes to flip them as quickly as possible. There are many other instances of this type of work ethic.

I used to go to a Ladie's Bible Study and Pastor Jeaneen would make up these beautiful baskets to bless someone with by drawing a number. I won one time and the basket included many items including these candles and holder.

I had been longing a few weeks for this lotion and soap set at Menard's, knowing it would fit nicely with the new bathroom and the green soap color would compliment the green in the candles. My patience paid off as they went on sale!

Pretty Soaps with Scroll Metal Base Holder

                        I also added this shelf with various bottles with French inspired labels on them.

I had also been admiring (and touching) these memory foam bathmats. They feel absolutely wonderful underfoot! I am wary of them, though, now. You HAVE to make sure the floor is dry underneath. There is a tag on these warning about this and now I see why. A word of warning-these easily slip when wet underneath....it actually scared me one day when stepping out of the shower.But they do dry fast and are quite nice on the feet!

Well, enough for today. I will post some pics of the basement I've since done. And the bathroom all decked out for Fall....as I said, my most favorite time of the year!

Back Porch Updates

Here are a few pics of my back porch.

I really love sitting back there and daydreaming or getting some things done. It's perfect for watching the boys and browsing the internet at the same time.

Yesterday, I placed the hooks for the wicker lamps. We had them on last night!

I am going to work on putting up the screening sometiime soon. I still want to put another coat of paint on the treated lumber. With the temperatures reacing over 100 last week, it probably still wouldn't be dry if I had painted! I bought a screen door for the back door, took out the screen, painted it white, added the hinges and handle, it fits perfectly. But I can't install it. Our German Shepherd has destroyed the frame/trim around the back door.





I couldn't hang my new beautiful freshly painted screen door on something like this. So now I have to go and get some trim. And a door frame piece to match. And some weatherstripping. And a dog chain. Maybe even a muzzle....

I got my pillows done.I would like some more for the seating area. Maybe a long one along the back of the white loveseat. Some big ones for the sofa. Then I have someone at the ready to hang the doors. That will help a lot with the dog problem. Does anyone else have this kind of problem with a destructive dog? Everyone's porches always look so CLEAN. Mine always has sandy dirt grit on the floor (even though we use dirt mats on it) and dust is always collecting on my "pretties" (what I call my decor items). Maybe I need some kind of curtains across the posts so I can close them sometimes. Maybe it's not helping that the neighbors are having major construction done on their house? Or possibly the fact that this area hasn't had any rain for weeks?

Well, one day my porch will be done. I will be able to put down my rugs without worry about a dog. Until then, I am going to keep going, doing what I can until I can afford to get done what I can't do. Maybe even learn the things to get it done-how hard can it be to hang a prehung door? Stay tuned!

I did finally get my landscaping along the front of the house done.







There are a few areas left to do that I have plans for. Those will be another post-some other time! But in the meantime, here is what I did get done!

Welcome to my back porch!

I am done with my hutch! I love to sit on my porch and surf the web, create menu plans and a grocery list, browse for recipes to try this month, contemplate and daydream, pray.
We have been blessed today with NINE new adoptees-a neighbor brought over nine fish to move into our backyard pond! This couple is not setting up their pond this year so they offered their fish! They seem to be adjusting well to our water and our other fish-I think we have between 23-30 now! The boys are so excited!

Well, here is an updated photo of the hutch-

And here are some more pics of my porch-

Now, the blue "sofa" is what Icall it, is another gift from same people who gave us the fish. I refinished four  other pieces last year (the ones painted white). These were bright pink, yellow, orange and purple. The Sofa was in the front yard until now. All of this furniture was to be "burn pile fodder" and I am so grateful they offered it to us! Now I have seating for many people!

Of course, the cushions (I got those for $5.00 a piece off-season at Walmart!!!) won't be sitting all katty-wampus! But I was trying out the best ways to rearrange the furniture so #1-it would all fit, #2-we could still get around it, and #3-it made sense conversationally (is that even a word?) for guests. I still have to move the dining table outside after re-doing it, too. It is an old steel formica topped shop table that I want to redo in, of course, white. Again, gotta love Krylon!

There is also a planter I am painting that holds a large boston fern for that plant stand between the wicker chairs. That "plant stand" is also a freebie that is actually a table pedestal. Redone, in white, of course...

I also found some wicker hanging lamps at Goodwill last year that I also want to hang. A few things left to put on the wall, and I am done! Maybe instead of moving all the furniture off the patio to redo the sofa, I'll take the sofa and do it on the lawn.

I refuse to put down the outdoor carpets until my husband installs the doors so I don't have to vacuum 24/7 because of the dogs.

Today, my men went to Grandma's and I got some alone time. What do I do with it? Go clean up the backyard....

But then I also got to sit and watch the new fishies get acclimated. For a long time. A LONG time. Then I came in and got a shower and played on Big Fish Games.

HEADLINE: Unusually Warm Temps Bring DIY-ers Outside!

Here is what is on the agenda for the next few months. I say months, because I have been under the weather for the last month. Don't know exactly what I had/have, but it involves coughing, sleeplessness, runny nose and green and yellow-and I ain't talkin' the colors of Spring here!

Well, now that I have thoroughly grossed you out, here is a pic of the hutch I am about to re-do-

And this is my inspiration taken from the web as to what I would like to do with it-

Now, the people who know me are probably shocked to see it isn't something ALL WHITE (white is my favorite color, and YES, it IS a color-you can add it to anything and it changes the original color to something else, which, to me, means it can hold it's own being classified as a color!)
I was also really tickled pink to see that Ace Hardware gave me a second chance at getting that pretty blue paint for free! I had seen an ad for a free quart of paint just for the asking on a Saturday. Well, that Saturday came and went with me feeling so sick, not even free paint would lure me out. But then, lo and behold, the NEXT Saturday, they ran the same promo and I got my Clark & Kensington Paint + Primer In One, in Better Homes and Gardens Seaside Classic Blue-for FREE! (Did I mention, free?)

So here it goes, fellow DIY-ers and Bloggers, I am now officially going to be held accountable for this transformation. There is a lot of work to be done about it, too. I have to sand the dang thing and fill in holes with putty and then sand them. I would like to change the hardware on this hutch to something more like a knob than a pull. Maybe even something nautical in design. The perfect ones are waiting for me at Carol Beach Knobs dot com.

A few of the stores around here are getting in Nautically-inclined pretties. Big Lots has some incredible items that I would like as well as Family Dollar and Dollar General. I have acquired many items off of Ebay and many I have just had around the house or in storage. Here is just a sampling-

This is stuff from last year that I plan on using. I will post more pretties later on. Stay tuned! Gotta go outside and clean up the front yard and get the little water feature going-he looks and sounds so wonderful! You can enjoy a picture of him here-

The Winds of Change.....

Things seem to be going better ever since my husband left for about a week. He came back with a renewed sense of appreciation for the boys and me. I knew in my heart, even during the roughest moments, that underneath my fear and devestation was a faith that with so many people of God praying for us, that sooner or later, something would change. I am hoping it lasts.

Thank you to all who prayed and continue to pray for us. I am infinitely grateful-some of you I don't even know, but I take seriously into consideration all suggestions and comments. I appreciate all of you who take time to share with me.

Now, the subject that has been occupying most of my time when I am not homeschooling, cleaning house and a million other responsibilities I have:

I have dreams of grandeur about our backporch this Spring. Note, I didn't say "summer". I can't wait! I have plans on refinishing a hutch and putting all sorts of nautical/beach pretties on it. It has been MOST fun purchasing things to put on it-seagul, fish, crab, mermaid, starfish, sandcastles, seashells, blue, agua, cream-oh! I can't wait! Trying different furniture layouts, using what I have in different new way. Gotta love Krylon!

I will be posting progress as I go. Just another do-it-yourselfer on the world wide blogs. Most of my inspiration comes from the web and the http://www.betweennapsontheporch.blogspot.com/. There are so many talented, inspiring, creative blogs out there, I am sure I haven't tapped into a billionth of them! I drool over the ones that have beach homes or anything to do with the ocean, beach, water, coast. If you know of any that I might enjoy, please pass them on!

I also have some tablescapes planned. Not so sure how to post on other sites, yet, even with detailed instructions generously supplied by the blogger. But I do know how to post here!

Well, enough for now. Might post some of the items I bought for the porch and various other aspects of this project soon-stay tuned! Nothing like "Before & After" photos to make one accountable-even if it's only to me and my blog!

Toodles!

Coming to a head

Not much to report about Christmas. Not worth the trouble it caused when I got home and the next day. Given ultimatums, things packed and ready to go, hurtful words thrown at me, threats made, realization of what my husband is facing with us leaving led to prayers and forgiveness on both our parts, and have left us in limbo. He is willing to leave us behind. Much needed break apart for now. Lots of snow. And prayer. We will have to address this sooner or later, but for now, peace reigns. Whole family on both sides backing me up...infinitely grateful......