Hope...

That is what I see this season as-hope. I am trying to leave things in God's hands as I wait, hopeful, that things will change in my husband's heart and things will go back to the ways they were. But then something will happen that makes it all go back downhill again-but not lately. So I remain hopeful..in the spirit of the season that I hold so dear, that things will return to their rightful destiny for our little family. I will be joining my husband's family next Sunday as people all around the world celebrate, but without my husband. I don't know what I will say before I go, or when, but I do know that the boys and I are going. I might not go bearing gifts, but only with an extremely grateful heart that I can be with these people who have taught me the meaning of family and what it means to give to one another and support one another. And I will praise God all the way there and all the way back, that next year, my husband will be by my side, joining me and the family in all the season was meant to be...

Wonder.......

I wonder what this season holds for me. I have some important decisions to make concerning the Christmas season. I would love to join in on all of the blogs listing their favorite things this time of year, but I can't. I am still in limbo waiting on the Lord for his guidance and direction on my husband's decision to follow a certain churches beliefs on holidays.
 It used to be that I felt like I had all of this joy inside of me-kinda like an eight foot Christmas tree with 1500 lights on it. That is the amount I would usually use, give or take a couple thousand! Now I just feel like someone has pulled the plug on my joyous heart.
 My ringtone, when I had a cell phone, was "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" sung by the one and only Judy Garland herself-AND was used all year long.
I hung stockings and filled them with candy coins and stuff I knew my boys would love. Race cars and little pretend shaving sets. Gum balls and chocolates.
My boys seem to be taking this better than I. They know Santa isn't real-my husband never grew up with that, but I did. I grew up with Santa and Halloween and all the other "pagan based" holidays and I'm not in some cult or worse. It was fun while it lasted and made for a joy filled, memory-making childhood. I mean, how much of oneself can you give up without losing all you are? Can you really re-write what makes you happy?
Have nothing to look forward to? Just accept things to keep peace and go along with it when it's not in your heart? What an unhappy, untruthful farce of a life....

Now that I have my reality out there on the table, in my heart, these are the things I love during this time of year-
                         Watching snow falling                        Kenny G's Christmas CD        

    Hot Chocolate with tons of marshmallows                 The Christmas Story read on Christmas Eve  

   Throwing Beautiful Dinner Parties for Family & Friends       Watching my boys play in the snow

Christmas Trees being adopted on top of vehicles                A blazing fireplace

  Christmas trees decorated-professionally or by the hands of children and families

Baking things for people enjoy                      Decorating every room in the house           Candles (lit)

Live Violin playing "Silent Night" (it brings tears to my eyes!)             Fleece Gloves        A Long Wool Coat

Cream Colored Cable Knit Sweater (preferably borrowed from someone male)    Cities/towns decorated

Houses decorated with wreaths, candles in  windows, lights and red poinsettias     Christmas Carols/Music

Businesses that have one little tree out in front decorated with lights (random act of beauty!)

A shoveled off pond             Fleece Anything              Super Soft Lap Blankets        Anything Glittery 

 My Mom-In-Law's Christmas Earring Collection    Snow Covered Roads that haven't been driven on yet

Niece and Nephew's Christmas Programs         Ice Skating            Walks in Snowy Woods     Hiking Boots

Egg Nog      Christmas Cookies (eating AND making!)      Hallmark and Lifetime Seasonal Movies

Christmas Villages       The Overwhelming Joy of Buying for Others (and trying NOT to tell them!)

Creative Present Hiding       Wrapping Presents         Making Christmas Cards       Christmas Day Calls

Huge Icicles that hang from roof to ground (on houses with too little insulation) that look like waterfalls

Red Rosy Cheeks (kissed while still cold)     The Idea of Santa     Angel Tree Toppers     Felt Ornaments

Old December Issues of Victoria Magazine           Beautiful Special Occasions Dresses for Little Girls

Getting Someone that one thing they REALLY wanted                   Ribbon Candy           Snowmen

Drifts higher than a house (only saw one back in 1978!)                    School Closings/Snow Days

Playing Card Games while the wind howls outside                      Bells on Store Entrances  

"Feeding The Chickens" (putting salt on the sidewalk)              Nutroll from Corey Brothers Bakery

Rozkys            The Nutcracker Suite         Garland           Decorated Mailboxes            Pine Boughs      

Flavored Candy Canes        A Snowflake Up Close          Flannel Nightwear          Slouch Socks

My Dollhouse (a Greenleaf Pierce done in Victorian Christmas 1904)         Memories of Christmas Past

My skating skirt, wool coat, Jody Doll and Diorama, (and other favorite past Christmas Gifts)  

Staying up 'till past midnight assembling/wrapping gifts for the boys       Animated Snow Screensavers   

Snow Globes      Christmas Tablescapes         Train Sets that run around the Christmas Tree base

Watching Bubble Lights     Yearly purchasing ornaments for the boys that corresponded with their interests to given them when they had trees of their own (name and date on bottom)

Super Huge Gigantic Cow Femur for DC (our German Shepherd) smaller one for Laddie Boy

 Special Steak Dinner on Old Country Roses China just for Hubby and me on Christmas Eve

Not ONE Store Open on Christmas Day (used to be)   

Well, if you're still with me, that's all I can think of for right now. It's not just giving up what I thought was a celebration of Jesus' Birthday, it's all it was and meant to me, too-which was showing Him to others more than any other time of the year....it just seemed easier when everone else was thinking along the same line.
  

Wonderful Thanksgiving Holiday!

With a lot of help from my Husband, his family and friends, I had a wonderful time setting up the tables for our two Thanksgiving celebrations! I will post pics as soon as they are downloaded from Mom-In-Law's camera. She has this really cool 14 point something mega pixel camera (which is 10 more plus mega pixels than the one I have!) and it takes really cool close ups of things. I was able to get amazing details of the table we did today. It was so pretty! Hope all of you had a wonderful holiday, too. I also found out just how much support the family is giving me with all of this church's teachings to my Husband.
It is strange how I can recall childhood memories of Thanksgiving-my Grandma had a huge table with a thousand leaves and extremely heavy. She would set out the tablecloth and pretty dishes and we would be relegated to the "Children's Table" HA! I resolved NOT to let ANY child sit at some card table set off to the side with the "safe" plates and plastic cups! NOOOOOO! My husband and I set up beautiful tables with stemware and napkins from Dollar Tree so the young ones can learn table manners and etiquette. I mean, how are they to know if someone doesn't teach them or give them the tools to learn and practice with? So they break one-it's back to the dollar store for a replacement!
Well, more some other time. It is getting later and I want to look over some of the other Tablescapes for ideas for next year!

I thought this was supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year....

My heart is heavy and I don't know what to do but just try and deal with all of this ordeal a day, hour, minute, or even second, at a time. My husband has decided to look into the Bible for answers to some of his questions. We are not exactly coming to the same conclusions on what the Truth really is. I'm sure there are others out there going through the same thing and I sure could use some support. One of the HUGE areas of contention is about holidays. I already know that Christmas is originally based on pagan traditions and practices. I understand, but my heart doesn't want to accept that I can't even have family over and decorate a beautiful tablescape to showcase my cooking efforts. If I can't entertain or decorate the house for even the season, even if I don't use Santa, and I can't bring the people I love together for a meal, what's the point? I feel like I have nothing to be excited about. No joy or happiness to look forward to. Not that material things made me that happy, but all things beautiful did, whether it was God made or man made.
Now I have friends that have never celebrated Christmas being Amish. (Actually, I stand corrected from my Amish friend and I quote, "We have always celebrated Christmas with pretty Tablecloths and flowers and gifts. Really the only thing we didn't have is the secular type stuff... Trees, lites, santa, big decorations... that type of thing. We have always been big on family and caroling and food.") Sorry, Bert...
 I don't know...I just feel this blue funk coming over me that I can't seem to shake. It'll just be a dreaded winter to try and make it through with none of my usual inspiration to get me through. Is there anyone else out there in the same situation? I keep praying the Lord will take away the likings I have for what I thought was a beautiful, the most beautiful, season of the year. I don't want to be a house divided and I don't want this to be a huge division between my husband and I, but bloggers, I'm pleading-for prayers, advice, support. If this is the ways of the Word, then I know my heart will change. But until then, this is just awful.......

Fall, Property Cleanup, 453 1/2 carrots and Advil

So, there comes that time every year when I realize:


1. Winter will be here soon (Grand deduction after we just had snow yesterday!)


2. There are still things needing to be done on the outside of the house


3. Procrastination is no longer an option


So, we all headed outside and:


Put gutter guards on the back porch gutter. 
We installed some heavy-duty chicken wire around the bottom third of the porch railing, hoping to discourage D.C. (one of our dogs) from ripping to shreds the plastic we used to enclose the porch with. Supposedly clear plastic that, in reality, I know now that I will not be able to see my backyard until sometime in Spring, unless I take the trash out, which is often, or go into the backyard through the side fence for some not-known-right-now reason. Like the guy at Menards said, "It's all about priorities!" Well, I thought seeing my beautiful backyard WAS a priority, but not when compared to saving energy and money.
I moved piles of rubbish from previous yardworks and swept all hard surfaces and took all of it to the burn pile.
 I edged the concrete of the porch and patio. Thinking I would get a little done now, ahead in Spring.
Then I came up with the idea to use our worn out fake Christmas tree and place it in front of the air conditioner unit because although none of the permanently attached lights worked on it anymore, I felt the need to recycle it in some way!
I cleared the pond of leaves (futile efforts as it was!).
I rescued the neighbor's dog (Bear) from the evil intentions of our German Shepherd, and dragged moved a landscape timber from it's original location to what seemed like twenty miles West to the back end of the property fence and adjusted it so, hopefully, Bear wouldn't have access to try and dig her way to China via our yards!
Then, while my husband and boys went and raked leaves in the front yard, I went into the garden and took up all of the row markers, bamboo stakes (which DID NOT hold up my tomato plants!), arched green fencing panels (that DID a good job for my Sugar Snap Pea plants) and my little white tabs I used to mark where I planted late season seeds that never came up.Dang that frost!
 I rolled up the soaker hose, a huge feat in itself, and then the regular garden hose and pulled up all of the bamboo stakes that I used to support green beans (did pretty good at first until the plants got huge!).
Then, and this was the last item to do before it got any colder/darker....I sat down and pulled up over 13  21(!) pounds of carrots! Yes, I actually weighed them! (My husband wanted everything out of the garden so he could roto-till.) Guess I know what I'll be doing Sunday! I still have some quart sized canning jars I can use if I decide to can them instead of freezing them! 
Needless to say, but I am going to say it anyway, I came in while the men were still working, 'cause I figure I will still be working making supper when they come in and sit down for the rest of the night and I wanted to be with them! So I popped a few Advil and made spaghetti with garlic sticks made out of slathering hot dog buns with butter and sprinkling with garlic powder and lightly browned in the oven. It was quick and yummy!
My son is sitting next to me frustrated that he can't get a splinter out of his skin between his thumb and index finger. But he doesn't want ME to do it, either!
Well, I am completely and thoroughly exhausted and it's time for sleep!


P.S. I got the splinter out.....yay!


Next year's garden is going to be even better!

Look at the address above...

Do you see how many days I have been blessed with?! I sometimes go onto my own site here and click on "Next Blog" and read many from you bloggers out there from all over the world...it really saddens me to see all of the people out there with children who have passed on, or are dealing with a special needs child/children. Or those out there who are widows/widowers and those who are just in need of a friend or someone to "talk" to....or a place to vent. People trying to find their way. Say their piece. Change their world. Make a statement. Toss their opinions out onto the World Wide Web. Solve their problems.
I would like you to know you aren't alone, you're not that different than others, and there are people out there praying for people like you. Like me. I know, you don't know me from Adam, and I consider that okay. Just know that there are people out there who do care and who do pray and even if I never see your blog again, I know things will be okay-'cause I've been there and now I'm not. I'm in the place I thought I would never get to. But I didn't achieve that place on my own-I've had lots of help-especially from God.....
Which is why I pray for people.....ALL people. I believe we are all one super huge family, bound by a heartbeat, oxygen, blood and bones.
No, I don't know everyone's problems, but I pray to someone who I believe does, and He has the power to do something about whatever your needs are....
Just my two cents worth on this November evening.....

The Beauty of the Season

Ahhhh, the scents of the season! The smell of burning leaves wafted throughtout the neighborhood yesterday, leaving me feeling content, happy and satisfied before retiring. Today, my 47th birthday, more of the same. I didn't put my order in soon enough for an overcast, rainy day, so I "changed my mind" and decided to openly embrace a sunny, blue-sky day. Looking through the half moon window at the top of my front door, it was unusually blue and beautiful with the orange-ish yellow not-yet-fallen leaves using it as a background. Orange chicken won't be a meal to enjoy on this day, as I didn't have a vehicle to get the ingredients. Same for Lemon Torte. Tried yesterday to use a van that refuses to keep a charge, got left stranded and making sure my Jumper Cable Skills weren't getting rusty!

This is a tough year for many.  I have been blessed more than some people see in their lifetime! The only problem I face is that I have to come up with NEW DREAMS...hmmm....sounds like a super-great title for another day!