Wonder.......

I wonder what this season holds for me. I have some important decisions to make concerning the Christmas season. I would love to join in on all of the blogs listing their favorite things this time of year, but I can't. I am still in limbo waiting on the Lord for his guidance and direction on my husband's decision to follow a certain churches beliefs on holidays.
 It used to be that I felt like I had all of this joy inside of me-kinda like an eight foot Christmas tree with 1500 lights on it. That is the amount I would usually use, give or take a couple thousand! Now I just feel like someone has pulled the plug on my joyous heart.
 My ringtone, when I had a cell phone, was "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" sung by the one and only Judy Garland herself-AND was used all year long.
I hung stockings and filled them with candy coins and stuff I knew my boys would love. Race cars and little pretend shaving sets. Gum balls and chocolates.
My boys seem to be taking this better than I. They know Santa isn't real-my husband never grew up with that, but I did. I grew up with Santa and Halloween and all the other "pagan based" holidays and I'm not in some cult or worse. It was fun while it lasted and made for a joy filled, memory-making childhood. I mean, how much of oneself can you give up without losing all you are? Can you really re-write what makes you happy?
Have nothing to look forward to? Just accept things to keep peace and go along with it when it's not in your heart? What an unhappy, untruthful farce of a life....

Now that I have my reality out there on the table, in my heart, these are the things I love during this time of year-
                         Watching snow falling                        Kenny G's Christmas CD        

    Hot Chocolate with tons of marshmallows                 The Christmas Story read on Christmas Eve  

   Throwing Beautiful Dinner Parties for Family & Friends       Watching my boys play in the snow

Christmas Trees being adopted on top of vehicles                A blazing fireplace

  Christmas trees decorated-professionally or by the hands of children and families

Baking things for people enjoy                      Decorating every room in the house           Candles (lit)

Live Violin playing "Silent Night" (it brings tears to my eyes!)             Fleece Gloves        A Long Wool Coat

Cream Colored Cable Knit Sweater (preferably borrowed from someone male)    Cities/towns decorated

Houses decorated with wreaths, candles in  windows, lights and red poinsettias     Christmas Carols/Music

Businesses that have one little tree out in front decorated with lights (random act of beauty!)

A shoveled off pond             Fleece Anything              Super Soft Lap Blankets        Anything Glittery 

 My Mom-In-Law's Christmas Earring Collection    Snow Covered Roads that haven't been driven on yet

Niece and Nephew's Christmas Programs         Ice Skating            Walks in Snowy Woods     Hiking Boots

Egg Nog      Christmas Cookies (eating AND making!)      Hallmark and Lifetime Seasonal Movies

Christmas Villages       The Overwhelming Joy of Buying for Others (and trying NOT to tell them!)

Creative Present Hiding       Wrapping Presents         Making Christmas Cards       Christmas Day Calls

Huge Icicles that hang from roof to ground (on houses with too little insulation) that look like waterfalls

Red Rosy Cheeks (kissed while still cold)     The Idea of Santa     Angel Tree Toppers     Felt Ornaments

Old December Issues of Victoria Magazine           Beautiful Special Occasions Dresses for Little Girls

Getting Someone that one thing they REALLY wanted                   Ribbon Candy           Snowmen

Drifts higher than a house (only saw one back in 1978!)                    School Closings/Snow Days

Playing Card Games while the wind howls outside                      Bells on Store Entrances  

"Feeding The Chickens" (putting salt on the sidewalk)              Nutroll from Corey Brothers Bakery

Rozkys            The Nutcracker Suite         Garland           Decorated Mailboxes            Pine Boughs      

Flavored Candy Canes        A Snowflake Up Close          Flannel Nightwear          Slouch Socks

My Dollhouse (a Greenleaf Pierce done in Victorian Christmas 1904)         Memories of Christmas Past

My skating skirt, wool coat, Jody Doll and Diorama, (and other favorite past Christmas Gifts)  

Staying up 'till past midnight assembling/wrapping gifts for the boys       Animated Snow Screensavers   

Snow Globes      Christmas Tablescapes         Train Sets that run around the Christmas Tree base

Watching Bubble Lights     Yearly purchasing ornaments for the boys that corresponded with their interests to given them when they had trees of their own (name and date on bottom)

Super Huge Gigantic Cow Femur for DC (our German Shepherd) smaller one for Laddie Boy

 Special Steak Dinner on Old Country Roses China just for Hubby and me on Christmas Eve

Not ONE Store Open on Christmas Day (used to be)   

Well, if you're still with me, that's all I can think of for right now. It's not just giving up what I thought was a celebration of Jesus' Birthday, it's all it was and meant to me, too-which was showing Him to others more than any other time of the year....it just seemed easier when everone else was thinking along the same line.